Sunday, 3 December 2017

Svet je postao mesto puno osoba koje su zaboravile da sanjaju

Svake proživljne godine u meni raste ubeđenje da se traćenje života sastoji od nepodeljene ljubavi, neiskorišćene moći i sebičnog opreza, zbog koga ništa ne rizikujem. Izbegavam bol po cenu propuštanja sreće. 
Život je prestao da me nosi tamo gde bih trebala da budem. Više se ne opirem, pokoravam se dešavanjima ma kakva ona bila. Neki to zovu "hodanjem stazom svoje sudbine".
U životu se dogodi trenutak u kome se poslože "kockice" i doživiš proviđenje vlastite teskobe koju nosiš godinama. U trenu postaneš imun na svu bol i ravnodušan prema svemu, jer život se ne pokorava našoj logici. On ide svojim putem, nedodirnut njome. Život traži da ga saslušaš, on ne sluša logiku, niti se njome bavi, on jednostavno ima svoj tok. Zato se valjda i kaže "nije pisano", ma koliko nešto želeo i uzalud se nadao....

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You are the pattern in the weaving of my existence. You are the secret code that unlocks all that is mine. You are the manner in which I dance, flying from cloud to cloud…You are the answer to all my questions, always unexpected, which raises me from one world to another.You are my sailing boat on the ocean of infinite tranquility and bliss. My most beautiful ark. Your soul has no limits, and it is in my eyes that You are endless…
And thus when I am not asking You anything then, in fact, I am asking You; And when I do not see You – I do indeed see you. And when You are silent You are speaking inside of me; and when you are asleep you are awake inside of me.....
You'll never be able to escape from your heart. So, it's better to listen to what it has to say. That way you'll never have to fear an unanticipated blow...

Anton Chekhov, Ivanov

Once I worked hard and thought a lot but I never got tired; now I do nothing and think of nothing, but I'm tired in body and spirit.With a heavy head, with a slothful spirit, exhausted, overstretched, broken, without faith, without love, without a goal, I roam like a shadow among men and I don't know who I am, why I'm alive, what I want. And I now think that love is nonsense, that embraces are cloying, that there's no sense in work, that song and passionate speeches are vulgar and outmoded. And everywhere I take with me depression, chill boredom, dissatisfaction, revulsion from life... I am destroyed, irretrievably!

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